The Cruelty of Cuteness

Generally speaking, Taiwanese people love cute things. They obsess over cute things. In fact, the very first thing I saw after I landed in this country was a Hello Kitty jumbo jet. Really. Cutesy pie cartoons are everywhere. People of all ages wear cartoons on their clothing, and I can’t seem to find a wallet without a bastardized version of Mickey Mouse on it. I even see clothing with cute literally written all over it. But for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The love of cuteness can be very sinister.

People here love to carry tiny dogs around with them. The main reason is that the dogs are cute, but another reason is that small dogs just work better in apartments. So when a dog is no longer cute, and no longer small, it’s time for it to move out.

Any visitor to Taipei will be alarmed at the sight of big stray dogs wandering the streets. Anywhere you visit, you are likely to see a stray dog or two. They are on the main streets, in the small alleys, and in the counties. According to a 2004 Taipei Times report, there are about 40,000 strays nationwide. But there is no reason to be afraid of these mangy beasts– most of the dogs are friendly former house pets, and the country is proudly rabies-free. Many other strays were born on the street, but they all keep to themselves. They don’t beg for food, and they don’t stalk people. I have never even seen two strays fight.

The dogs survive off of the goodwill of restaurant owners who leave leftovers on the street. But when it comes to medical attention, it seems like nobody can help. A few months ago, I saw a very skinny dog with a shriveled-up front paw hopping across the street. It was such a sad sight, and I wondered how long he had to live. I just saw the same dog again today, but there is nothing I can do to help. Taipei has a pound, but if the dogs aren’t adopted within one week, they are euthanized. This sickly dog would last longer without the pound’s help.

Every time it storms, or there is talk of a typhoon coming, I think about the poor dogs that are hungry, scared and cold just because they grew up.

I should mention that many individuals do adopt or care for strays. There are even small-scale rescue facilities, but only a small percentage of strays ever get help.

Commercial Appeal

I can’t read. And I can’t speak or understand more than a dozen words. But I can appreciate TV commercials.

Many of the commercials have the same kind of zany humour as North American commercials. It’s fun to figure out the jokes and all, but my favourite ads are the low-budget locally made ones where the company owner appears in the flesh. I can’t get enough of the nervously sung songs, the thumbs up, and the phone number recitals. It helps me learn numbers anyway.

Some of my least favourite ads are the Orlando Bloom car ads, for Toyota Corolla. Yes, he made more than one. In one ad, Orlando gets the girl then stands around looking glamorous. He doesn’t say anything, and then the slogan, “Born to be a Star,” comes up. The other ads in the series aren't much different. Maybe they’re aired in North America too, but they’re still worth condemning.

Alcohol commercials in Taiwan are shocking. Not only is there a noticeable lack of cleavage, but there seem to be very few women featured at all. The whisky ads star high-class men doing archery or working in a modern office in the sky – these guys drink booze for the prestige of it. The beer commercials are fairly righteous too. During a Taiwan Beer ad, some men enjoy a beer after a successful work day, while some girls comfort their heartbroken friend and some other guys have a birthday party. Everybody in the ad has a good and honest reason to be at the bar. There’s also an uplifting theme song for that one.

Taiwan’s alcohol commercials are cheesy, but they seem to be deliberately modest (even though they can actually show people drinking). I think this is because Taiwanese people are just not as enthused about drinking. For example, you can drink in public, but only foreigners walk around with a can of beer. As for the bars and clubs, not everybody actually drinks alcohol there. Binge drinking seems a lot less common, and I think I know why; puking into a squatter toilet would be very unpleasant. But there’s also the influence of celebrities. You see, a popular Taiwanese singer had a bit more than an “incident” last year. Shino Lin was driving a car legally drunk (the limit is 0.05% BAC) when she hit and killed a nurse driving a scooter. So long Bacardi endorsement.*

On another channel, I’m starting to notice a possible archetype in commercials for sweets. She’s the adorable big lady. She’s a well made-up overweight woman who giggles and enjoys her sweets. One has geisha makeup, and she’s in a spa. She locks everyone out so she can eat her candy alone inside. Believe me, her giggle is nothing less than delightful. Now there is another big lady selling ice-cream bars. She looks kind of like a mermaid and has a catchy siren song about the product. Both ads are just strange, but the fact that an overweight person is on TV is what makes you think. Fat people barely make it into weight-loss ads in North America, but they can sell junk food in Taiwan. Maybe the overweight body is some kind of novelty here. It’s not as novel as it used to be though. McDonalds and KFC are considered cool places to hang out, study, or get private English lessons. It’s pretty common for a fast-food place to take up three floors.

Finally, I need to mention air conditioners. They are big business here. Air conditioner commercials range from bland product shots with phone numbers to high-budget, 20-second, mini romantic-comedies. I had never even considered that commercials for air conditioners existed before I moved to Taiwan. But now I have this great nation to thank for enlightening me.

*Shino Lin did not ever endorse Bacardi